Rat Squirrel Bastard figured out how to get out and left Sunday on his own. I still had the critter people come to see where he got in and to seal it up. When I called the critter people he told me that he was going to do a 24 point inspection. What I realised when he got here and started doing his 24 point inspection was I wasn't interested in a 24 point inspection. No, I don't give a rat squirrel bastards ass about the 24 point inspection, what you think about my old ass wiring, how my a/c is set up, that the previous owners rigged up some crazy phone line or you're opinion on my insurance company.
All I'm effing interested in is how did the little rat squirrel bastard get in and how do I keep him out. That's it. Focus on the problem at hand so I can feed my children, get homework done and get them to bed. I'm not looking to spend $5,000 residing my home, $2,000 on rebuilding my fireplace chimney or anything else not related to keeping Rat Squirrel Bastard out of my penthouse suite. I'm officially annoyed.
Rat Squirrel Bastard entered through the roof vent that is not screened off. Critter people will be replacing said vent at a premium cost because a) I don't have the time and b) I don't have the energy for any other know it all to come tell me how the previous owners did a crappy job rigging phone lines. My phones work fine! The problem is a rat squirrel bastard running around in my attic!
And, this is the brief version.
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